I had not expected to be writing this – you weren’t probably expecting to be reading, it but I felt it important as a form of public service, similar to those messages that told us how to cross the road and that we shouldn’t talk to strangers (though that’s pretty much all I do at the moment).
Now, those who are old enough, might think I am going to talk about those historic drop zones many of us encountered when we first went abroad several decades back. For those younger than that, the thing in question was similar to the base of a shower but with one hole and two foot shaped raised platforms to help guide you into position. I think – but it might be time that’s added this – that some had handholds too but it was a long while back. Anyway, the point was to place feet, crouch and aim for the hole. Usually, evidence showed that people found this difficult. They were not places to poogle as its now called (a blend of poo and google if you haven’t encountered this) even if that were possible – which it wasn’t physically nor technologically at that time. We are talking of the Olden Days.
Nope, things have moved on. Now we not only have the expected water closets but bidets are standard. I am a fan of a good bidet. I think it’s much more hygienic that the alternative as well as a quite delightful sensation – provided you get the temperature JUST right. We’ll move on.
What was new to me was another device which I found in the Deep South of Italy. I should have taken a picture but let me describe it it to you. Attached to the WC there will be a stainless tube and a nozzle. It looks like that additional attachment you find in posh showers (which I neither understand nor see the need for – but you might enlighten me) but the nozzle is more focussed and has a sort of trigger thing.
At first I thought it was for the same use as the bidet, but thankfully I am logical as well as curious. I couldn’t see why you would need both. And so I tried it – aiming at the bowl. Good God Almighty, for the rest of my days I will give thanks I did. The water pressure was like pushing Niagara Falls through a biro. You could take paint off a tank with it. You could conceivably disable a tank with it from what I could see. As I struggled with the hose, it struck me that someone had probably got this wrong at some point. Someone, probably a Brit, had pointed this thing at his fundament and pulled the trigger. Which would have the same effect as launching an Exocet up your arse. Not the gentle irrigation they would have been expecting but it would certainly have cleared the sinuses. I hope they are ok.
So, you see, this was for your benefit. The device is for cleaning the toilet. It is a replacement for the loo brush. It is not, not, NOT, for cleaning anything more personal. You have been warned.
peteryder2003 