Speed Limits.

I get there is a need to regulate speed. It would be crazy to let people hoon past a school say at 60mph – though I’m sure it’s done. And while I’m a fan of personal liberty, and detest over regulation, the level of idiocy out there means some kind of framework is required.

BUT

20mph? 50 mph on sweeping A roads? At the moment I’m dealing in KpH so make that 30kph and 70 but it’s the same at home as it is here. The nanny state has made its mark at a sub- optimal level and then polices it with automation.

I blame cyclists. I do. I have a thing about cyclists and not in a good way. The bicycle made sense as a replacement for the horse. It was cheaper, lasted longer and didn’t shit in the street. Then, though, we invented the internal combustion engine and finally reached the pinnacle of evolution, the motorcycle. Why on earth do we need to keep the bicycle?

For example. I was on a train the other day and waiting to get off, I observed a member of the Taliban of cycling. Clad from head to knee caps in Lycra he was holding an Uber cycle. The tyres were like razor blades and it’s profile was so thin you probably couldn’t see it from head on. Even the minuscule water bottle, hidden behind the matchstick of a mainframe member, was aerodynamically formed. As was his helmet. AND he’d shaved his legs. Ffs. There’s only two reasons to shave your legs. You’re either having knee surgery or you’re a woman on a promise. Him? No. It was for speed. Shaving his calves took 0.00001 millisecond off his time. But it made sod all impact because he was ON THE TRAIN! For all his expense and effort, the device he was holding couldn’t get him where he wanted to be quickly enough! Case closed. POINTLESS!

But these are the people making policy. These Uber cyclists are advising politicians that it makes sense to limit speeds to these new levels. 20 miles an hour gives them something to aim for. With buttocks the size of Belgium they can develop a fair speed and feel they are doing good for themselves and the planet. Smug doesn’t come close to it. Which gives me an idea. They like bicycles in Belgium. And Holland. So why don’t they all Fk off there and the rest of us can carry on at a sensible pace, embracing 21st century technology, with our hairy legs intact.